Republican Wakes up From Drunken Stupor, Asks Michael Cohen if He Has a Book Deal

Prominent Republican and Senate representative Gavin Gleem went to bed incredibly drunk last night. He couldn’t even walk on his own, as his wife Marcia had to carry him to bed. He asked her “Who are you? Wait… who am I?” Delirious, the Republican senator passed out immediately upon hitting the bed.

Remarkably, he woke up just thirty minutes later and clearly asked, “Mr. Cohen, have you had discussions about a book deal?” Confused, Marcia said, “I’m not Mr. Cohen, hunny. Go back to sleep.” He slowly cuddled back up with his Dora the Explorer blanket and fell back to sleep.

Thirty minutes later, however, it happened again. Louder this time. “Mr. Cohen, have you had discussions regarding a book or movie about your experience!?” Once again, Mrs. Gleem urged her husband to go back to sleep.

Much to her annoyance, Mr. Gleem woke up again, thirty minutes later. And again, he addressed the subject of a book deal, this time with even more fervor. “MR. COHEN, CAN YOU GUARANTEE THAT YOU WON’T PURSUE A BOOK OR MOVIE DEAL REGARDING YOUR EXPERIENCE!?” This went on throughout the night, and poor Mrs. Gleem never got a wink of shut eye.