Alabama Governor Hopes to Revive Blockbuster Through Public Funding

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey has proposed a sweeping series of new initiatives, including a proposal designed to revive the formerly prominent video rental company, Blockbuster. Ivey’s umbrella proposal, titled “The Take Me Back Initiative,” also includes a proposition to re-invest in the pet rock, a motion for more muskets, and something called “The Horse Initiative.”

Ivey was adamant about moving forward by continuing to move backwards after the state recently passed a ban on abortion. “People need to understand what we’re trying to accomplish here,” Ivey says. “The only way to move forward is to go back. See, time is a circle. You’ve seen a clock, right? It’s a circle. If the clock reads eleven, why spend all of that energy going past twelve, then one, then two, then three… when you can just go back to ten? The clock was going to get to ten eventually, but instead of waiting eleven hours, we only have to wait a few minutes… by adjusting the clock ourselves.”

Ivey’s unparalleled brilliance has been celebrated by many prominent Republican leaders, including president Donald Trump, who described her as “The Genghis Kahn of our time… and a woman, too!” Time will tell what the future holds for the beautiful and innovative state of Alabama, but one thing’s for certain; it looks awfully bright.