Woman Forgets to Lock Door, is Murdered Immediately

Like many Americans, Larissa Fisterson always makes sure to lock the door. Every day, when her husband leaves for work each morning, Mrs. Fisterson begins the locking process by simply turning the key lock, as any reasonable citizen would do. Mrs. Fisterson has taken extra precautions, however, installing a custom series of deadbolts just daysContinue reading “Woman Forgets to Lock Door, is Murdered Immediately”

Liam Neeson Reveals He Thought About Bestiality, Too

Just days after Liam Neeson admitted to having murderous thoughts about black people, the 66 year old actor (best known for his role in the “Taken” series) has revealed to 70 Minutes that he once thought about “fucking a horse like something vicious.” In the extensive interview, Neeson was candid about his experience with oversharing.Continue reading “Liam Neeson Reveals He Thought About Bestiality, Too”

Florida Woman Goes Broke Raising Infant Son on Almond Milk

Kelsey Douglass had it all. A loving husband, a three story house, a stable income, and a beautiful young boy on the way. She was happy, full of life, and optimistic about her future. Unfortunately for Kelsey, her upper-class lifestyle was derailed when she insisted her child not be breastfed, but raised on almond milk.Continue reading “Florida Woman Goes Broke Raising Infant Son on Almond Milk”

Twitter Files for Bankruptcy After Banning Angry People

Twitter, once worth $40 billion, is now filing for bankruptcy, CEO Jack Dorsey has announced. The move comes just months after the company instituted a no tolerance policy on anger, banning any user who “exhibits or contributes to anger or vitriol.” Down to just six users, Twitter has seen the steepest decline in engagement sinceContinue reading “Twitter Files for Bankruptcy After Banning Angry People”

Guy With Computer Eager to Destroy Celebrity’s Life

Reading over the apologies from celebrities like Kevin Hart, Nick Cannon, and Shane Gillis, Jacksonville, Florida resident Doug Robertson couldn’t help but feel inspired. The proud owner of a brand new Lenovo laptop, Robertson grinned from ear to ear, explaining that “this is the moment.. This is my time to finally make a difference inContinue reading “Guy With Computer Eager to Destroy Celebrity’s Life”

Man With Truck and American Flag Named Country’s Most Patriotic

A Tulsa, Oklahoma man has been named the country’s most patriotic citizen by the National Census Bureau. Every year, the Bureau conducts a thorough and widespread survey to come up with twenty-five finalists for their national competition in a normally intense jostle for patriotic superiority. This year, however, the winner was clear from the start.Continue reading “Man With Truck and American Flag Named Country’s Most Patriotic”