Tom Brady, the greatest quarterback of all time, was seen sacrificing a billy goat at his Tampa Bay home just hours after his victory over the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LV. The seven-time super bowl champion, husband of Giselle Bündchen, and father of three has long been in the debate as the G.O.A.T, which comes as no surprise, but many are shocked to learn about his relationship with the four-legged animal itself.
According to reports from SaveTheBradyGoat.com, the Tampa Bay quarterback has developed a relationship with a billy goat he purchased from Curacao after his first super bowl victory with the New England Patriots in 2002. Billy Goats typically only live between 15-18 years, but the Brady Billy, as he is known throughout the goat community, just celebrated his thirty-fifth birthday. Brady attributes the longevity of the goat to its strict diet of NFL cornerbacks’ souls.
Rumors of his spiritual relationship with the goat have surfaced many times over the years, but new drone footage shows Brady, on his knees in the backyard of his Tampa home, extracting the souls of NFL cornerbacks from his throat and then transferring them into the body of the Brady Billy in a ritual that can only be described as demonic.
Brady’s neighbor, charcutier board connoisseur Spitkoff Freitz, described the awful sound as “something straight out of horror movie… It was like a screeching sound mixed with a demonic laugh and a G-chord from hell. I decided to fire up my drone to see if I could get a look at what it might be, and that’s when I saw Tom holding a goat up in the air in his backyard. Something was off though, so I got a little closer and realized the goat was not in Tom’s arms, but several feet above his arms, levitating in mid-air. I was shocked, but nothing could prepare me for what I saw next. After being suspended in the air, the goat combusted into hundreds of pieces and blood began pouring down in a perfectly suspended flow, straight into Tom Brady’s mouth. He started yelling “I AM THE GOAT!” over and over again, eventually falling to the ground in exhaustion.”
Whether you love him or hate him, one thing is for certain. Tom Brady is the goat.