Tiger Woods Blames Missed Cut on House Democrats

The second major of the year didn’t go as planned for Tiger Woods. Coming off a win for the ages at the Masters, Woods failed to make the cut at this year’s PGA Championship. Many wondered if this was a simple let down performance after an enthralling Masters win or if the time off between tournaments came back to bite him, but Woods had a different explanation. The reason for his poor performance, Woods explains, is “those slimy Democrats running the House.”

The reasoning given by Woods comes with little curiosity, as James Harden blamed “the God damn Republicans” for the Rockets’ loss to the Golden State Warriors last week, Harvey Weinstein blamed “the fucking Germans” for his sexual bankruptcy, and the cast of Cheers laid waste to “those smug, idiot Libertarians” for screwing up “absolutely everything.”

If we’ve learned anything so far in 2019, it’s that everything is their fault. Who “they” are is up for us to decide, but one thing is for certain. It is and always will be their fault.

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