Lost City of Z Found in James Harden’s Beard

A group of Brazilian researchers have announced the discovery of the long sought city of gold. The Lost City of Z, believed to be hidden somewhere in the Amazon Rainforest, has eluded explorers for centuries. Many who have dared to search for the legendary city have never been seen again. Today, those worries can be set aside. The Lost City of Z has been found, and those who discovered it have returned. One of these brave explorers is Zoomhai Zimestike.

“Well, it’s been a hell of a journey. After years of battling the harsh life of the Amazon and coming home empty handed, we started to wonder if we had been misled. We knew the Lost City of Z existed, but nobody has ever been able to find it after all these years. We talked amongst ourselves and wondered if it was really here. Kyle mentioned they’ve been finding some surprising things hidden in James Harden’s beard lately, like the brain of JFK, which had been missing for the last half-century. We figured what the hell, it’s worth a shot. We all packed our gear and flew out to Houston the next morning. Warned about the dangers of entering the beard during daylight hours, we waited until nightfall. We packed up our tents and all of the essentials, but made sure not to bring any razors. It was really rough territory the first couple of days. The terrain was harsh and unforgiving, and it was very dark. Once we got past the infamous Curly’s Corner, things started to ease up for us. We made really good progress over the next few days, and that’s when we saw it. It started as a flicker in the distance, but as we approached, the piles of gold became clear. It was a dream come true. It still is. It’s very hard for me to wrap my head around. I just can’t believe we actually found it.”

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