A Tulsa, Oklahoma man has been named the country’s most patriotic citizen by the National Census Bureau. Every year, the Bureau conducts a thorough and widespread survey to come up with twenty-five finalists for their national competition in a normally intense jostle for patriotic superiority. This year, however, the winner was clear from the start.
Bureau Chairman Brian Montez weighed in: “Usually, there’s fierce competition for this prestigious honor, where the board and judges are often faced with extremely difficult decisions. Every once in a while, however, somebody is just head and heels above the competition; and that was the case this year, when we found Kyle. Kyle sent us a picture of his lifted truck with a six foot American flag flying on top of it, and we just knew.”
“I felt his love for America from here,” said competition judge Laura Franklin, who resides in New York.
Even the ultra-harsh Massachusetts judge was complimentary. “You know, I thought I loved America, and then I saw Kyle. The mud on his truck. The large wheels, manufactured right here in America. The tinted windows. And of course, the flag. I had never seen such a glorious combination of gratitude and love for one’s country.”
Runner-up finisher David Dominquez was humbled to even be in the company of somebody like Kyle. “It’s crazy. My mother always told me to just do my best and be grateful I live in such a wonderful country. I took her advice to heart. Teaching American history to underprivileged youth, holding fundraisers to keep the Museum of American History afloat, going abroad to speak about representative democracy, these were all things I knew would make my mother and my country proud. To even be compared to somebody like Kyle is truly something I never could have even dreamed of.”